Ass?

Honestly I’m not having the greatest time at the moment ok I wanted to stage manage the company’s big spring musical this year right n I’d been mentioning it since the beginning of this year to the director n all right but he didn’t ever give me a definitive answer and then the last few days I’d been rethinking it and like the idea of not being on stage for so long really was bugging me so I decided I should audition so I texted the director bout it n he emailed me the audition packet and some extra stuff which was :D that he was cool w it until this guy who stage managed the last show was like yeah he was hesitant about letting you stage manage which just makes me feel all like aight have I not redeemed myself for the lil fiasco yet like what am I missing right now I know I don’t wanna but just the fact that there was hesitation like….was it something practical like my age/experience or does he just not have confidence in my ability n all yknow and I want a good part in this show and is that lack of confidence going to impact me here too or like and then the other thing like obviously relationships aren’t a priority for me at all and I lowkey have just ended up being weirdly uncomfortable with commitment at all with anything so I’m cool w what I’ve got going on now just the like things w a variety of people but still I can’t help shaking the feeling that I messed up w the one person from a lil bit ago that I feel like is p much the person that like I should still be on yknow and if factors didn’t make that like impossible it didn’t really have to end n all idk I also hate being shown any kind of disrespect and my like complete inability to handle people being condescending towards me is my biggest flaw probably